IMM (Inner Mongolia Madness): Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for coming this evening. It is my pleasure to be here.
My appearance tonight is not spontaneous and without reason. I am here to lift my flagon, tankard, goblet, and sippie cup with you to toast in celebration for the progress of Bayonet. 25,321, ladies and gentlemen. That is how many words are in my manuscript so far. And if everything goes to plan, I am less than 0. 25806451612903 done with my novel! Thank you for enjoying this moment with me, however short this speech might have been. For those who are not staying to witness my guest today, refreshments are in the lobby.
Now, for my guest speaker. He has long been a part of a pirating group, and though he is an antagonist to many, he will still join us tonight, speaking only of what his evil organization will allow and don’t consider confidential information. If he disregards this, he will most likely be executed. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Lamb!
TL (Tony Lamb): Thank you, thank you. Harry, it is my pleasure to be here.
IMM: Truly, the honor is all mine.
TL: No, it’s my pleasure. *deep breath* Please forgive me. I have not yet taken my blood pressure medicine.
IMM: Oh, then, heh heh, we’ll try to make this short and sweet *audible swallowing* First question: Tony, we know you must be discreet with what you say to avoid spoilers and execution, but would you mind telling us a little bit about your occupation?
TL: Not at all. I am a member of a group of killers and assassins known as the [the following has been deleted by the author due to spoilers]. Oh, wait, I can’t say that, can I. Let’s just call it Bird with a Typo. So, I am a member of BWAT, Bird with a Typo, and have been for many years. Yes, that is my answer.
IMM: OK, moving on! Second question: How did you come across this occupation?
TL: It all started with the— the Darkly Colored Gang. Hint hint. My leader, whom I just call Commander, started it with some grudge match with a relative. Our early objective was destroying Mavor. Then we had a, um, a change of plans.
IMM: Great, now onto the third question: What was the name of the last person you killed?
TL: That I’m not too sure about. I always ask the names of my victims before I kill them. She said her name was Wyldstyle, but her ID said Lucy. I was confused. Wait a second, I think I heard a whoosh.
IMM: Ri-ight. Thank you, Tony! Well, that is it for tonight, folks! Thank you and I’ll see ya next time.
TL: By the way, what’s your name?
IMM: Harry, of course.
TL: *whipping out rifle* Thanks for having me tonight! *pulls trigger*
IMM: *audible swallowing*